This is a necessary but often dreaded stage of your child’s development. The first step is knowing when the time is right. This can be really hard to know as there is no set age so you have to go with when your child is ready. In an ideal world, your child would pull you to one side and discreetly say, “I feel increasingly sure that I am now ready to be fully toilet trained and can assure you that I won’t have any mishaps or accidents”. Sadly it doesn’t happen like this, so Michelle and I have written this blog on day time training to help you on your way.

Is it the right time? What are the signs?

1. Your child needs to have control. This means that you can take a nappy off after an hour or so and it’s still dry.
2. Your child needs to be able to recognise and understand the sensation of “going”. Your child might suddenly stand still with a strange look – known as the poo/wee face. They may tell you they have done a poo, want their nappy changed (or take it off themselves – never the preferred option), ask to use the potty or disappear behind a curtain, wanting privacy – all good signs that your child is gaining an awareness of what their body is doing and even better, an ability to predict what their body is about to do.
3. It’s important your child poos regularly – if a child is constipated, sort this first. Toilet training can be stressful and it is likely the constipation will get worse. It can take a while to calm so allow your child time.
4. Make sure your child is able to follow simple instructions and can pull their own pants up and down. This can be practised before toilet training begins as a game – children quickly catch on.

Remember you know your child best, you are the expert in seeing those subtle little changes in their development telling you they might be ready. Follow their lead and try not to compare your child with others. We are all individuals and for every child trained before they are 2 there will be several others still not ready by 3.

Top tips for toilet training:

1. Start by making it fun and relaxed – read books, play ‘potty training’ with their toys or see if their favourite tv characters have a potty training episode like Pirate Pete.
2. Prepare your child by telling them what will be happening and get them involved in choosing their pants and potty/trainer seat. Take the nappy off first thing, sit them on the potty and then put them in pants they have chosen themselves.
3. If you can, initially base yourself more at home. Once toilet training is more established, take a potty with you when you are out so your child does not have to wait too long.
4. Take your child to the potty every hour and a half (approx), letting them sit on it for 2-3 minutes only. Stay with them. If they are sitting for too long, they will start to refuse to use the potty and a battle of wills can develop. Avoid giving them an ipad as they get so involved with it that they do not realise that they have even gone!
5. Give lots of praise, encouragement and perhaps a sticker if your child successfully uses the potty. Praise your child even if all they’ve done is sat on a potty for 2 seconds with their nappy on without “performing”, it’s still progress.
6. If you ask “Do you want to go to the toilet?” chances are the answer will be “NO!” Say instead, “Let’s go and use the potty” or “choose a book to look at on the potty.” If you constantly ask “Do you need a wee?” your child will get fed up and it can result in a power struggle between you.
7. Focus on the successes – not the accidents. If your child wets or poos, clean them up with little fuss, making sure you do not tell them off.
8. If your child poos in their pants, let them see you empty it into the potty/toilet, letting them pull the flush. Children need to link what they are doing with where it should go.
9. Sometimes allowing your child to blow bubbles while sitting on the potty can relax them enough to go. It’s not easy holding a poo while you are blowing bubbles.
10. Give your child their normal amount of drinks. Don’t limit this as their bladder needs to be full for the body to send the message that they need to go to the toilet.
11. If your child gets distressed and refuses to do a poo without a nappy – put the nappy back on for them to poo. Refusing can lead to holding, which can lead to constipation, which is painful, uncomfortable and makes a child anxious about using the toilet.
12. Try to get all those involved with your child – grandparents and nursery staff perhaps, to use the same approach as you. Consistency will lead to increased success and a smoother transition to a toilet trained child.

If there is no progress in the first week, your child may not be ready. Go with your child. Take the pressure off them and you and put them back in nappies for a few weeks and try again a bit later….the time is not quite right.

Sarah and Michelle run a company called Purple Parenting, offering positive behaviour support through individual work, groupwork and workshops. Email purpleparenting@gmail.com to arrange your free telephone consultation to help with potty training, sleep, tantrums, fussy eating, anger, aggression and more.